After the Rain
Grant didn't come back to the apartment. Not that night, not ever. There was a lot that happened in between — questions, forms, a woman from the state who came to our kitchen table so many times I learned to have her coffee ready before she knocked — but none of that is the part I think about most.
The part I think about most is three nights later, when Mom came into my room after Poppy was asleep and sat down on the edge of my bed the way she used to when I was little enough to still want a story before sleep.
She had the notebook in her hands.
"I read all of it," she said. "Every mark. Every date." Her voice wasn't steady. "I keep doing math in my head, Junie. Thirty-one times. Thirty-one times you knew and I didn't want to."
"I tried to tell you."
"I know." She didn't try to explain it away, didn't reach for any of the sentences she used to reach for. "I chose easy over true. That's on me, not you. I need you to hear that as many times as you need to hear it."
I didn't have anything smart to say back. I just leaned into her side, and she put her arm around me the way I'd watched her put her arm around Poppy a hundred times from the hallway, wishing it was mine.
It rained again that weekend — a real storm, thunder rattling the windows. Poppy flinched at the first crack of it, the old flinch, the one that lived in her shoulders now.
Mom didn't tell her it wasn't a big deal. She picked her up instead, carried her to the sliding door, and stood there with her, both of them watching the rain hit the glass from the warm side of it, Mom's hand rubbing slow circles on Poppy's back.
"See?" she said quietly. "We watch it together now. Every time."
I got out my notebook that night, the real one, not the tally book. On a fresh page, I wrote down the date, and next to it, just one word.
Safe.
I haven't needed another mark since.